2010 January 04 Monday
Modest Proposal On Airport Security
Let people who are getting on an airplane search each other and their carry-ons. Move the ticket zone back up to the concourse and have people show their tickets and walk into the sitting area. Then as people go to get on the airplane let the other passengers decide who to search. Passengers could all agree to let on granny or granddad or a teenager mother with a baby. They could question some others and ask to look thru the carry-ons or pat down still others. Tell the passengers 5% of each flight has to be thoroughly checked. Okay, who to choose?
The people who get on the airplane are the ones who are putting their lives at risk. I'm guessing they'll pick out a guy like Richard Reid, the Jamaican shoe bomber or Nigerian Muslim Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. When your own life is at stake you won't put much truck in politically correct mythology about human nature.
Steve Sailer suggested trained dogs to sniff everyone. I think thats a pretty good idea myself.
Sailer made a good point about the body scans. If you have had cancer, how many more times do you want MRI's or X-rays? If you are a pregnant woman, do you want these x-rays on your developing baby? If you are a frequent business traveller, do you want to be x-rayed hundreds of times in your life and thus increase your chances of developing cancer?
We didn't face this stuff back in the 1970's and 1980's for some reason.
P.S. Its pretty pathetic that his dad tried to warn us about him, and we still didn't even search the guy before letting him on a plane. Janet Napolitano was a lawyer for Anita Hill, and was one of Bill Clinton's famous US Attorney apointees (after Clinton fired 50-something US attorneys on his first day in office, remember that?), daughter of a medical school president, fully ensconced member of the establishment and baby-boomer, and she has informed us that "the system worked fine". I guess that means that heroic Danish tourists who can stop drinking milk long enough to physically jump on would be Nigerian-Muslim-Terrorists with 25-character-length names are part "of our system", because if he didn't do that, the plane probably blows up and everybody dies.
Do I get to do the panty checking of all the good-looking women on the flight?
Seriously, I do not see any amount of security checking that would be acceptable to most passengers being able to detect these small amounts of explosives. We are just going to have to accept the occasional plane going down.
I like this proposal a lot. It really brings the thoroughness-vs.-convenience paradigm into stark relief and creates a real trade-off for everyone who has "skin in the game," (e.g., a destination they need to make by a certain time).
Let's do it!
"Let people who are getting on an airplane search each other and their carry-ons. Move the ticket zone back up to the concourse and have people show their tickets and walk into the sitting area. Then as people..."
So right! It could even be called "Infinite Search Procedure" or ISP, since it'll be over by the time all the passengers have checked all the passengers, so you'll be required to show up at the airport 24 hours prior to departure.
I can almost hear, "I don't know what you're looking for but it's a little to the left, dear"
"Seriously, I do not see any amount of security checking that would be acceptable to most passengers being able to detect these small amounts of explosives. We are just going to have to accept the occasional plane going down."
I totally agree with you Rob. In fact I really think Randall was joking or more like being sarcastic, with the article. I couldn't really believe he is serious about it. That's why to me his article comes in really nice and fresh: It is sarcasm. I really cannot imagine it otherwise.
I could be wrong though; Randall has a way of surprising folks, with what really seems to be a joke...
"Randall has a way of surprising folks, with what really seems to be a joke..."
Is this the first time you've seen the phrase "Modest Proposal"?
Randall's proposal has about as much chance as mine. Fill the cabin with knockout gas just before take off and keep all the passengers unconscious until the plane lands.
Hey Rob, I got a good one too. If we now have these body see-through detectors and now all the security dudes and gals can see what we pack under our drawers, why don't we all just fly naked? (Except grannies) ...And then there's no need for those long, long and embarrassing check points anymore. Airlines could have these lockers and undressing lounges in the waiting areas and hey, perhaps the waiting areas could also feature these cool marble jacuzzies and bars for socializing while we wait for boarding procedures. Perhaps we passengers could even invite all the security guys and gals to do all their interrogating -and body search- in a more comfortable and human ambiance...
Now that's what I would call customer satisfaction. Who wouldn't thus like to fly "Virgin" Atlantic...?
A jacuzzi in an airport full of nekkid people?!? Yuck!
Have you ever spent any time in any airport terminal? Never mind--forget I even asked.
I like your proposal. The CIA ought to research the effects of mild doses of nitrous oxide in airports and airplanes. Does it make terrorists less willing to blow up everything? Or even more willing?
Last time I flew I was disappointed by the general amount of fat and ugliness. Where are all the hot babes? They don't fly?
Forget the hot babes. Think of the sheer numbers of them. Eating, leaving trash on and under seats. The kids. The guys who piss all over toilet seats. Not that anyone would ever want to sit on one of them! Yikes!
Imagine them all getting into a jacuzzi. The syphilitic ones. The snotty nosed kid ones. The ones who creep you out just by what they are saying into their cell phones so loudly you can't help but hear across the room. Ugh! No thanks!
Yeah, Nude-a-Port wouldn't work either, now that Bob has pointed out the all the mess and disease that would certainly kill more civilians than terrorists.
I will have to agree with and join Rob in saying: Randall's proposal has about as much chance as mine.
Perhaps a truly new approach on foreign policy would solve that and many other security problems. If Obama follows through his innaugural speech, it might just work. Most of the world still has faith in him...
Who knows, it might be too late though. In that case we'll probably never know if Chomsky, Sagan, Carlin, Jacobson, Lincoln, Wolf, Russell, M. Teresa, Jesus, Fromm, Ghandi, Lennon and the whole 60's Movement, were right. Right?
Ooops, I missed Ron Paul. He's got some organized way of thinking and what's even more, he's an American.
I like that guy and feel should be included. I really believe he could give some good ideas if he hasn't already, since we bloggers can't come up with even a half-decent one.
Instead of accepting the occasional plane going down, why not just make Muslims fly on their own airplanes on international trips (escorted by fighters in US airspace to avoid unfortunate impacts with skyscrapers) and use ground transportation inside the USA? I suspect that if Abdul whatshisface had blown up a plane full of Muslims he might even have received posthumous accolades from infidels.
Why not remove the doors from airliner bathrooms? Even better, put the potty at seat 1-A right out with the other seats. Then you in 1-B can get a good look and be sure the guy is not cooking up some mischief!